There it is again. The red FAIL after waiting a week to get the results of her PE exam. When she pushed the start button to begin the exam, she had to use both hands because they were shaking so much. And before the exam even started, she was planning on when she could take it again because she KNEW she would fail. It was her way of protecting herself because if she expected to fail, it would hurt less when she did.

With previous attempts, when she failed, she did what she had done in the past. Thousands of hours of studying and investing in materials, like the School of PE. She would withhold rewards until she passed: a watch she wanted, selling her house, travel. She also would do things to punish herself, such as running two miles in a hundred degree heat. She was carrying a lot back then, around the exam and in her personal life. 

After the last fail, she knew: "I knew it wasn't the material. What is wrong with me? Why can't I pass this test?" She shared that it felt like training for a marathon and then tripping over your shoelace on race day. Mel always knew the material.  In fact, I used to joke with her that NCEES should hire her to write questions for the exam because she knew the material so well. 

No one had told her the problem she was having was physiological. She had been living in fight or flight mode for years and had no idea the way it was affecting her. 

Her mindset changed. 

She started focusing on passing, not failing. “I’m gonna pass the PE” was an affirmation she would say out loud while running. Sticky notes all over her computer with what her new job title would be and other affirmations. 

She took control of her breath.

She learned different breathing techniques, and practiced them so that she would remember to use this tool when she needed it. If she felt herself get stuck on a problem, she would stop and take a couple of deep breaths. On her last attempt at the PE, she took a couple of deep breaths before she confidently started. 

If this sounds familiar, it's the breath we talked about last week. It sounds almost too easy, which is why it is easy to skip over it. It is also why it works!

She learned to be kind to herself. 

She went from being her worst enemy to being her biggest advocate. She learned that preparing to pass her PE was more than sitting and doing practice problems. It is how she was talking to herself. In what felt like a cruel twist of fate at the time, the facial she booked the day before her test (to help her relax) turned out to be in the same building as the test center. Now she gets facials at the same place every few weeks, still being kind to herself but now walking in as a PE!

She was in a different headspace the last time she took the test. She was excited. She listened to positive music on the way to the test. She refused to feed her fear because she knew she was going to pass. A week after taking the PE, she got the email that said PASS. She didn’t fully believe that she had passed at the time, and now, a year later, she even wishes she could see her score because she knows she crushed it!

Now, she uses the breathing techniques before big client meetings. It became a life skill, not just a test trick. She's her own advocate, and she pays it forward! 

She was recently at a work dinner with twelve engineers, and the topic of PE came up. Everyone has different experiences taking the test, and there were a couple there who found the exam easy. She told everyone "I took it ten times" and the table went silent, and then the conversation finally turned honest. Normalizing the Fail is what she calls it. In fact, it is something she actually asks about in interviews now because everyone fails. It is how you react and pick yourself up again that says a lot about who you are.

So, in her own words: "Focus on passing. Be kind to yourself, and never give up. Because you will pass."

Mel's story isn't rare. The thing that finally worked for her, learning to manage her mind and her nervous system on exam day, is a skill. It can be learned. That's what this whole series is about.

If you're preparing for the PE, or staring down a retake, get the rest of the From Panic to PE series delivered straight to your inbox. Each week walks through what actually moves the needle, from the mindset gap to the strategy that makes the difference on test day.

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Next week: the strategy gap. Why test-taking is a skill you can train, and how to do it.

About the author

Tina Wiles is a former engineer, a 20+ year educator, and a Brian Kane certified Mental Performance coach. She helps engineers and professionals stop losing high-stakes exams to panic and start performing like they actually know the material. She's the founder of My2tor and the creator of From Panic to Passing.

Not sure what's getting in your way on exam day? Take the free 2-minute Test-Taking Mindset Quiz and find out! Click here to take the quiz.